Matthew Lickona 1 p.m., March 7
The Legend of Hercules
Renny Harlin (remember The Long Kiss Goodnight?) spills his director's paintbox all over a perfectly serviceable B movie, leaving almost no scene unstained. Wash it out, saturate it, amp it up, slow it down, and above all, have something drifting through the air — ashes, rose petals, dandelion seeds, whatever. Just make it drift, so that the rubes have something to gawk at in the 3D version. The gimmickry is both ludicrous and ugly. It's a shame, really; Harlin still knows his way around a fight scene, and the story is a spot-on riff on a certain brand of muscular Christianity — a blending of Samson and Jesus, a son of god who just needs to grow up and acknowledge his father in order to unlock his limitless potential. Star Kellan Lutz is suitably hunky and heartthrobby, the acting is suitably overbaked, and the script is suitably hokey. But, oh, that slo-mo. 2014.
— Matthew Lickona