Matthew Lickona 4:30 p.m., May 20
Ken Scott's Canadian comedy Starbuck made enough money stateside to earn him a seat in the director's chair for this subtitle-free rehash. Who better than beefy Vince Vaughn to star as a professional sperm donor who falls victim to a class action lawsuit brought against him by hundreds of the children he anonymously fathered? Scott's idea of playing to an American audience is hydroponic jokes and simplified see-saw compositions - one character screen left, one character screen right, and all that space. I cannot tell a lie; 20 minutes in, I used my 'Get out of Multiplex Jail Free' card and bailed. I'm all for remaking bad films; just don't compound the awfulness in the process. 2013.