Scott Marks 8 a.m., April 30
Bachelorette takes the great emblem of feminine matrimonial anxiety — the wedding dress — and goes to town on it. First, it’s torn. Then it gets bled on. Eventually, it’s also stained with both semen and vomit (the bodily fluid trifecta!), but not before it gets stuffed into a garbage bag and misplaced. There is little time to meditate on the symbolism, however, because the cocaine-fueled plot is busy sending you hurtling through one crazy night in the life of four unlikely high-school besties just before the fat one (formerly known as Pig Face) gets married. The dialogue frequently veers into the realm of “Ooh, girls talk dirty, too,” and most of the better bits sound like stand-up monologues, but underneath all the mucking and bucking, there is some attempt to assess the romantic state of things in the post-romantic age. A guy gets hurt when he finds that a willing hottie doesn't even know his name, a girl wants to know why her boyfriend didn't show up to drive her to her abortion, a Type-A control freak just wants a man to take over, etc. Stars Kirstin Dunst, Isla Fisher, and Lizzy Caplan are all game, though Caplan proves gamest. 2012.