The truth behind mustaches and charity

Dear Hipster:My friends and I agreed that we would all participate in Movember this year, each fully committed to grow his bushiest mustache. As a somewhat hirsute gentleman, my mustache has grown well and rapidly, much to the mixed consternation and admiration of my friends, all of whom hide their wispy, ghostlike mustaches whenever we meet up. And yet, proud as I am of my mustache-growing ability, I absolutely hate the thing. Thoughts of shaving occupy my every waking moment, and I have no rest from my itchy upper lip. Must I fight the urge to shave till 1 December or shall I disappoint my friends as the first to capitulate this Movember? — Dennis

Your, ’stache, bro, your choice. I assume you’ve committed to the classic, because-hipster form of Movember, not the post-hipster fundraising Movember with the logos? I’ll probably catch heat for defending the non-charitable mustache, but hipsters have celebrated a mustache and/or beard month in some form or another since time immemorial. Even the United States Air Force got into it during the Vietnam War. The first group of hipsters who tried to monetize the mustache did it at least nominally for the Australian RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) in 1999. The rest is recent history that — call me cynical — led to a rather lucrative charitable career for some Aussie bros.

Anyway, if you shave, do so with the dignity and humility that befits a proper hipster gentleman. Weather the criticisms of your friends and buy the first round of drinks when first you reveal your shorn lip. All will be forgiven. Taking things too seriously is, after all, not very hipster.