Is indoor drive-in the next big thing?

The Variety headline read, “Dine-In Cinema Gets Immersive: Indoor Drive-In to Open in Nashville.”

An indoor drive-in offering an immersive dining experience translates to Carbon Monoxide Cocktails on sale at the concession stand and a double bill of Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar and William Inge’s Picnic onscreen.

There are fates far greater than death, as evidenced by Nashville’s August Moon Drive-In, the latest desperation ploy on the part of exhibitors to get butts in (bucket) seats. First came the La-Z-Boys, quickly followed by upscale dining, a fully-stocked cash bar, and in-seat service.

Next up, a 40,000-square-foot, air-supported theme park drive-in, complete with twinkle lights to simulate stars and carhops delivering burgers and shakes mid-movie. They’ll even provide the cars, modified classic roadsters docked on synthetic turf that can accommodate 350 patrons.

August Moon is the brainchild of Michael Counts, the creative force behind immersive theater events in Brooklyn such as “Paradiso: Chapter 1” and something called, fittingly enough, “The Walking Dead Experience.” The artificial drive-in concept should be a big-seller among zombies.

Counts told Variety, “Essentially we’re building a soundstage…a set as if you’re going to shoot an outdoor scene in a movie, on an indoor stage.” Included in the design plans are artificial grass and manufactured sunsets. They’ll even go so far as to pump in the scent of meadow air. Suddenly CO poisoning sounds good.

What about the ambient sounds of airplanes flying overhead every 15 minutes? Or the sounds of the in-car heaters turning on and off? People who attend a drive-in to watch the movie are schmucks. In this instance, it’s going to be difficult, if not impossible, to turn a back seat into a passion pit what with all the cars stacked neatly side-by-side.

On the plus side, August Moon’s screen is said to be the largest non-IMAX movie screen in North America, and their programming will include classics mixed in with standard multiplex crap.

The screens aren’t as big and the programming is not as venturesome, but locals looking to relive the drive-in experience — and maybe get a little backseat action — without leaving the county can always check out our year-round treasures, the South Bay Drive-In and the Santee Drive-In.