Trump on film

President-elect Donald Trump — it feels dirty just writing it — could have been the next Clark Gable. Just ask him.

Before the shortchanging, meow-meow-grabbing real estate tycoon transformed New York City into a garish architectural battlefield and ascended to the highest office in the land, our billionaire game show host-elect honored at least 20 movies and television shows with his presence.

Starting with a show-stopping performance as “Himself” on the 1985 episode of The Jeffersons titled, "You’ll Never Get Rich", Trump spent the next 15 years putting in shock value cameo appearances — generally playing DJT — including a pair for NYC heavyweights, Woody Allen (Celebrity) and Paul Mazursky (The Pickle).

Only two roles were listed on IMBD in which Trump played someone other than Trump: he was robbed of an Oscar for his sensitive performance as Waldo’s Dad in The Little Rascals, and his Emmy-worthy turn as Daniel Ray McLeech on Sabrina, the Teenage Witch proved unworthy.

All great performances, folks. Great performances. Believe me! Believe me!

Unlike previous video offerings, Hollywood Hitlers and Brando’s “Pig’s”, the accompanying collection came preassembled on YouTube. The crooked video, “Every Donald Trump Cameo Ever,” lies folks. It lies.

Where’s the Donald’s towering cameo in Celebrity? Had I known then what I know now, I’d have spent at least two minutes of my interview with Judy Davis grilling her about playing opposite Obama’s future successor.

Trump's two greatest celluloid dopplegangers to date can be found in Robert Zemeckis’s Back to the Future II and Joe Dante’s Gremlins 2: The New Batch.

Screenwriter Bob Gale recently told The Daily Beast that the Biff Tannen character in BTTF2 was patterned after Trump. “We thought about it when we made the movie,” says Gale. “You watch Part II again and there’s a scene where Marty confronts Biff in his office and there’s a huge portrait of Biff on the wall behind Biff, and there’s one moment where Biff kind of stands up and he takes exactly the same pose as the portrait.”

In Gremlins, Joe Dante and Company take an axe-handle to the colon of Spielbergia and they do so on producer Steve’s dime. The film was a monster hit and when it came around to making a sequel, SS threw bushels of money Dante’s way and encouraged him to go nuts. Nuts indeed. Joe Dante (Innerspace, Small Soldiers, Looney Tunes: Back in Action) is a master of the art of the squeal.

Gremlins 2 — one of the few sequels that owes next to nothing to its predecessor — is a satirical string of firecracker in-jokes and send-ups that includes a terrific burlesque of the man destined to make horseradish grate again.

John Glover's Daniel Clamp is a grinding grin machine, an arrogant narcissist oblivious to all that surrounds him including the titular demons. Be warned. In spite of the title, it's not a film for the kiddies. After 25 minutes, Winnie Lickona hid behind my arm begging me to put on something different.

Adults wanting to experience the satiric assault on Trump's character, or lack thereof, should check it out. In the future, to avoid 3 a.m. Twitter rants, I suggest no one feed Mr. Trump after midnight.