Ballast Point reassures customers following $1 billion sale to Constellation

Statement from Ballast Point brewmeister Hanz Grabbencoin:

Ballast Point Brewing & Spirits started in the back of a home-brew supply store, and we promise not to forget that, now that we've been bought by the company that owns Corona and Pacifico. It's true that we can now use twenties to mop up spills in the brewery, but like Three 6 Mafia says, "Money Didn't Change Me." The good people at Constellation have assured us that, pending approval by their board of governors, stockholders, brand management team, finance department, marketing department, production consultant workshop, and drinks division manager, we will maintain complete control over our own operations. Yes, we're going to double production, and then probably double it again after that. But we don't see why that should be any cause for concern. Because you can't make too much of a good thing.