7 steps from "fitted" to "three sheets"

Dear Hipster:

You are my last hope in solving this serious problem. Help me! How do you fold a fitted sheet?

— Derek

Easy! Here’s a step by step guide:

1. Google “how to fold a fitted sheet.” Watch half a dozen videos. Attempt to follow their instructions. Fail.
2. Open a six-pack of your favorite craft beer or local wine.
3. Re-watch the internet videos, mocking the cheerful women who make this impossible task seem like the easiest thing in the world. Attempt to discern the sorcery with which they practice their dark household arts. Fail.
4. Attempt to finish the alcohol. Succeed in this.
5. Attempt to fold the sheet again, and realize that you’re now far too tipsy and have, in fact, unlearned what little you knew about folding sheets. Fail.
6. Abandon the task of folding a fitted sheet. Stuff the offending bedspread into a drawer. Success!
7. Take pitiful selfie, post to Instagram, garner likes. Be over it.