Where’s Casey?

A judge on Monday ordered an investigation into the whereabouts of the ailing Casey Kasem — backwards-counting deejay, eximious cartoon voice-artist, and the geometric centroid of Jerry Lewis’s MDA “Love Triangle” — presumably whisked from the country by his Amazonian spouse, Jean.

Kasem’s children have long complained that wicked stepmother, Jean, has kept them from seeing their father. This week daughter Kerri Kasem was at last appointed temporary conservatorship. One problem: they don’t know where dad is.

According to a Facebook post, Kerri believes the former Cheers bimbo “fled the country (or possibly went to an Indian Reservation) with my dad because she knew I would win in court today.”

When speaking with Fox News’ Greta Van Susteren, Kerri said she will not contest any claim to her father’s estate if the attacking 50-foot woman would “give us our dad back.” Sisters Kerri and Julie Kasem told CNN, “We want as many people to be on the lookout for our dad as possible.”

Jean has always had dollar signs in her eyes as far as her famous hubby is concerned, and since the star of Ghostbusters (just ask her) delights in playing mind games with her stepdaughters, what’s to stop me from turning other peoples’ tragedy into a goddamn up-tempo children’s divertissement?

There are approximately 20 “Caseys” hidden in the puzzle, and it’s up to you to find them. They are: Mad Dog Sports Radio’s Casey Stern; trainman Casey Jones (NOT the one high on cocaine); screenwriter Casey Robinson; actor Bernie Casey; Ben Affleck’s brother; Casey Adams (or do you say “Showalter?”); Major League baseball manager Casey Stengel; former CIA Director William Casey; Casey Drew Scream; Hitchcock victim Kasey Rogers; Australian diplomat Baron Casey; former Howard Stern Show heartthrob K.C. Armstrong; American Idol contestant Casey Abrams; “Doll” Casey Anderson; Casey Atbat; a little dog named Snuggles; Lady Frankenstein Jean Kasem; and psychic rock sensations Edgar Cayce and the Sunshine Band.

Travis Bickle casing the joint doesn’t count. Nor does Johnny Roventini, who showed up a week early for next Wednesday’s installment, “Where’s Johnny?”

And, yes, Don is on the phone!

At no point during the game are players allowed to lift their feet off the ground or crook their star-reaching arms. Good luck!