Cut the cheesy jokes

Dear Hipster:

I use a lot of bathroom humor because I think it’s f@$*ing hilarious! My girlfriend (along with some of my friends) tells me I’m being too lowbrow and that I shouldn’t resort to “such crude humor” all the time; that it’s better to not make a joke at all than to make “another gross joke about farts, or whatever.” I’m quoting her roughly there, but you get the picture. Anyways, is she right, that a grown-ass man like myself should clean up his sense of humor?

— Fredy, Normal Heights

Technically, it’s “a grown-ass man like me.” You should only use the phrase “myself” for reflexive action; e.g., “I cleaned myself up after DJ’s joke made me laugh so hard I spilled coffee everywhere.”

Can you tell I’m on a grammar kick today?

A kitten dies every time someone uses “myself” as a first-person object pronoun. Think of the kittens, man!

Anyway, farts are hilarious. You’re right. Nevertheless, you should diversify your repertoire so that it’s not just all vulgarity, all the time. Try this one on for size:

What’s the difference between a mountain goat and a sand wedge?

A lot.

I guarantee, after a few of those, the crowd will be ready to chuckle over some well-timed flatulence.