Mean Clean Streets

City declares homelessness a public health crisis, makes plans for “aggressive treatment” of the disease.

Author

By Walter Mencken

Publish Date

Oct. 7, 2022

Mayor Gloria was recently caught on tape speaking to a local homeless man he addressed only as Al. “Why don’t you get a job, Al?” he asked. "Hm? You know what you’re doing? You’re costing me my future. I’ve got beloved NBA star and local sportscasting legend Bill Walton calling for my resignation over people like you. You think I’m gonna be elected California’s first gay governor with that hanging around my neck? No, you don’t think at all, do you? If you did, you might not be living on the damn street. And now you expect me to help you? I guess it’s true what they say about the homeless and mental illness, because that’s just crazy.”

"Gavin Newsom taught us a valuable lesson when he implemented the CARE Act allowing for enforced treatment and housing of homeless people suffering from mental illness,” said San Diego Mayor Todd Gloria during the press conference announcing the city’s designation of homelessness as a public health crisis. “He recognized that while these people are obviously sick and in need of care, homelessness itself is an urban virus, one whose spread threatens our city’s well being. It brings with it filth, and despair, and business closures and falling home prices. Treatment will no doubt be painful, but we are going to cleanse the wound and cut out the rot, and then we are going to stitch things up tight. Don’t you worry, San Diego, by the time we’re done, Doctor Gloria is going to make you feel all better!"