SDGE rebrands, hikes rates in anticipation of new regulations

Statement from company spokesman Max Power: “Look, California is going to ban the sale of gas-powered heaters by 2030. And the city is going to phase out funning gas lines to new construction over the next decade. AND it’s looking to reduce the use of gas in existing construction by 45 percent. The writing is on the wall: natural gas is on its way out as a profit center for our company, which, while it might seem like a public utility, is actually a private, for-profit enterprise. It’s bad enough that in a couple of decades, we won’t even be able to legally use ‘gas’ in our name without getting dinged for false advertising. But in these uncertain times, you don’t want to mess with an established brand, you know? So we looked to precedent, like when Kentucky Fried Chicken changed their name to KFC to avoid getting into trouble for using mutant, eight-legged bird-bug hybrids in its buckets. Sure, it stands for Kentucky Fried Chimera now, but KFC is the name you all know and love, and that hasn’t changed a bit. In the same way, you can count on SDGE being with you for many years to come. Oh, and by the by, we’re looking to hike rates another 8% next year. Remember what I said about profit centers? Gotta remember that bottom line!”