Padres vs. Il Padre

Following the Padres’ heartbreaking playoff loss to the Dodgers, the team’s Swinging Friar fell to his knees, lifted his eyes to the heavens, and cried in a loud voice, “Eloi, eloi, lama sabachthani? My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Did you bring us to the playoffs, only to let us die here, on the threshold of the World Series? When Jacob wrestled the angel, the angel was overcome, but these heathen from the city of fallen angels to the north have vanquished us yet again, striking us down even in the midst of our glory. Why did you send us the son of Tatis? Why did you strengthen Paddack’s arm, and make Machado mighty in battle? Was it only to humble us and leave us desolate, so that our name becomes a byword among the cities? Will you let it be said that God’s chosen has been forsaken, that the Almighty has broken faith with his priest? Remember your promises of old, O Lord, and the fact that San Diego is like the only major city in America that doesn’t have a big league championship of some kind. Thou hast blessed Cleveland, but not the Padres?”