Cool, Costco summer is here!

Dear Hipster:

Summer is here! And it’s not canceled this year! I’d say it’s time to celebrate, but do I even need to say it? I would imagine almost everybody is super stoked to have a nice, normal summer... but I have to wonder if there are people out there who aren’t excited about the summer. If anyone could be a summer-hater, I would expect it would be some hipster who is doing it just to be contrary. Is that a thing?

— Kristen

Dear Hipster:

Happy Solstice, hipster! What’s the best part of summer?

— Desiree

I will level with you here. I love summer, so I’m a little biased. That’s not to say I hate winter, spring, or even fall (which always gets a bad rap for chasing summer away). Those are all great seasons for various reasons, but summer is and always will be the king, because none of the other seasons can hold a candle to summer in terms of making memories. It’s all about those long days. The long days hold the promise of music festivals, yard parties, and feeling like you actually want to do something other than curl up in a ball and mope when you get off work at 5:30 pm.

As you suspected, a small contingent of people insist on hating summer. They usually provide some variation on the following two reasons: the heat and the tourists (people who live in temperate climates usually also mention bugs, which is totally legit, as anyone who has ever been bitten by a mosquito knows).

The heat is simply a non-issue. First off, being hot is an excuse to slack off, which is awesome, whereas when you get cold, you need to work harder to keep yourself warm, which is totally not cool. Sure, maybe once long ago in a dark age of technological desperation (maybe we could call it “the ’80s”), air conditioners were expensive, unreliable, and eager to torch the ozone layer by spewing R12 into the atmosphere at the slightest provocation. But today, you can get a cheap, effective, and relatively environmentally friendly AC unit at the local Costco for a couple hundred bones. If you can’t afford that, all you need are halfway decent scrounging skills and you can probably get one for next to nothing from somebody who just picked up a new Costco unit.

Although I see the point in complaining about tourists — people who descend on anywhere worth visiting (and plenty of places not worth visiting) come summertime with their selfie sticks out — you have to look at the other half of the equation. If tourists stress you out, mock them when they aren’t looking, and when they are looking, relieve them of the money they came to spend. If that doesn’t harmonize the cosmic indignity of tourist season for you, rest assured you will get yours the next time you’re touristing somewhere.

Next time somebody tells you he hates summer, casually but firmly present these two irrefutable arguments. If this summer-hater finds something else to gripe about after hearing your rock solid defense of the summer season, it’s a fairly safe bet he’s just doing it to be a contrary hipster. Respect his life choices, and make a mental note to withhold his invitation from your Cuatro de Julio party.