Biden Administration begins Operation Staycation in effort to convince would-be migrants to remain in-country.

“The President of the United States believes that families are the bedrock of a healthy society,” says Sam Turnback, head of the Biden Administration’s Operation Staycation. “That may seem obvious, but when you hear that the US Government detained more than 11,000 unaccompanied minors at its southern border in the first three weeks of March alone, you realize that something’s been lost in translation. People have got to understand that what a child needs, more than anything, is a stable home life in the care of loving parents. That’s what’s going to make for a healthy, productive, decent member of society. Not some pie in the sky dream of striking out on your own while you’re just a teenager and chasing economic fairies and their tales of the Promised Land. And one way to build a stable home life is to have dedicated time set aside to staying home as a family - a staycation, if you will. Time to play games, time for generations to talk to one another, time to make memories that will last a lifetime. To facilitate this, we’re sending over four million Spanish-language, locally themed Monopoly board games to countries throughout Central America, along with free DVDs of Coco, the wonderful Pixar movie built around the traditional Hispanic holiday Dia De Los Muertos. We hope the recipients ‘Remember Us’ and our message that the border is closed. We’re also sending in some Black Ops teams to help deal with the cartels, but that’s not really my department.”