LA Rivers runs out of town

Last week, Chargers management revealed their intention to part ways with longtime quarterback Philip Rivers after 16 tumultuous seasons. Owner Dean Spanos released this statement to the press following the announcement. “For many years, Philip Rivers WAS the San Diego Chargers; or rather, he was San Diego itself: highly talented, thoroughly pleasant, and a kind of West Coast outpost of Midwestern niceness, decency, and toughness. And yet for all that, he and we were strangely unable to come out on top, prone to goofy gaffes, and notoriously sleepy and slow-starting. He won enough to keep folks from forgetting about him or writing him off, and yet, he never quite won it all, never topped anyone’s list. Anyway, given the utterly mercenary fashion in which we decamped from that middling metropolis and headed north to the glitz and glam of Los Angeles, I think it’s pretty clear that Philip Rivers has no place with the organization as it is today, and certainly not as it intends to be in the future. With [tight end Antonio] Gates gone and Rivers released, the last vestige of the old order has been purged. Maybe now someone will buy our season tickets besides a bunch of sorry San Diegans who can’t bring themselves to root for anyone else.”