Poppin’ Padres petition for permanent props in stands

The San Diego Padres started their season 4-1, their best initial record in decades. And while some may credit the unlikely success to new manager Jayce Tingler, and others to the general up-is-down insanity that has marked 2020, at least one player has a different theory. “It’s the fans,” says pitcher Sam Splitter. “All while I was up there on the mound against the Diamondbacks during the season opener, they were there for me, smiling at me, rooting for me. They weren’t there to socialize, or to kill a little time before heading off to dinner, or to sip craft beer while I worked my butt off in the background. They never even looked away.” Splitter realizes that the fans stayed put and stared hard because they were just photographs pasted on cardboard. But he’ll take it. “Cardboard doesn’t take off during the seventh inning stretch,” he noted. “Cardboard doesn’t buy a season ticket behind home plate and then leave the seat empty night after night when the season goes south. Cardboard doesn’t get drunk and boo the guys who are out there trying their best. Cardboard is constant. The face may change, but the support remains the same. As far as I’m concerned, those guys are the real deal.”