Logic vs. Wu Tang Style

Dear Hipster:

You wrote recently about how it’s very hipster to be suspicious of anything that too many people like, and therefore definitely “not into” such popular things. People who enjoy logic might express this as a conditional statement such as if Everyone Likes Something then Hipster Dislikes Something (which can be expressed as Everyone Likes ▶ Hipster Dislikes). Poor logicians might assume the truth of the inverse and conclude Everyone Dislikes ▶ Hipster Likes, but this rule does not in fact logically follow from your conditional statement. The best we can do as a matter of logic is the contrapositive (Hipster Likes ▶ Not Everyone Likes), which is weak. So, I put it to you, can you prove the inverse theorem here? Further, if the inverse proves correct, and the two rules come into conflict, which rule prevails, i.e. which is the hipper option?

— A Bored, Retired Law Professor Who Googled Tiger King and Got You Instead

When I was in college, I took an Intro to Logic class that was meant to be a kind of “math for hipsters” who needed to satisfy core curriculum requirements, but who never learned algebra because they were too busy trying to start bands. Unfortunately, I remember nothing.

However, I answer your Logic Style with my Wu Tang Style, which anticipates every move. Instead of flying fists and savage kung fu kicks, we match wits as the infallible power of logic meets the cheeky power of irony. I put it to you, sir, that both premises are essential to the hipster, but their skills are not equally matched. And, when they come into conflict, only one can prevail. Although disliking the popular and liking the unpopular are two sides of the hipster coin, it is always more important to be out ahead of the curve. When hipster styles collide, the hipster who (using his Wu Tang Style) foresees the eventual acceptance of the presently obscure seems like the wiser hipster.

Dear Hipster,

I am in a long-distance relationship that has lasted over two years with a woman who lives in Florida. I am unable to visit her since this chaos surrounding our world has been going on. We are planning on getting married, and how should I approach this situation since we can’t not seem to see each other. Should I dump her, or love her for who she is? Thanks.

— Andrew

You may not have noticed, but I am not in the habit of dispensing advice that anyone would call “practical” or “useful.” You might even say I tend towards the (gasp) sarcastic end of the spectrum. Nevertheless, as a means of pushing myself both creatively and professionally, I will try to respond to your heartfelt query.

FOR GOD’S SAKE, MAN! DON’T BREAK UP AN OTHERWISE FUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF A TEMPORARY AIR TRAVEL SHUTDOWN!

Or, if I may put it more hiply, if you belatedly discovered that geometric tattoos were, like, waaaayyyy overdone, would you break out a scalpel and debride your own arm to rid yourself of that mysterious geode shape you got after Coachella 2002 to celebrate the meaningfulness of the experience?

I rest my case.