Navy SEALs Patch Things Up Post-Gallagher

From left to right: The “Bunch of Pussies” patch, so called because, according to a letter provided to the Navy Times, Gallagher responded to criticism that it was extremely unnecessary to train troops by placing them in daytime live-fire situations by saying that his junior SEALs — several of whom testified against Gallagher — were “all a bunch of pussies” who needed the kind of engagement where “you need to focus on your field of fire or else you could take (a bullet) to the side of the head.” (The pussy in question notably wears a bell around its neck, much like the cat in the Aesop’s Fable, which serves to warn of its approach. This is taken as a reference to Gallagher’s decision to, as prosecutors put it, “spread rumors about his teammates to members of the SEAL community, describing them as cowards who were afraid to go out on missions,” even going so far as to “tell the new chain of command for teammates who had transferred.” Gallagher’s attorney did not deny the accusation, but preferred to call it “telling the truth.”) Second is the Snowflake patch, with its obvious designation of the young SEALs as members of the overly-emotional, easily offended, conflict-averse Generation Snowflake. (“This all started because these kiddies thought I was stealing from their care packages, and they got grumpy when they didn’t get their afternoon milk and cookies,” Gallagher has been reported as saying. “So they ganged up and formed the military equivalent of an online mob and tried to cancel me. But the Navy isn’t Twitter, thank God.”) Finally, the Navy SQUEALs patch, wherein SQUEAL stands for Sissified Quisling Unable to Endure Actual Leadership. Because, as Gallagher’s attorneys put it, “Those little piggies tried to go wee, wee, wee all the way home, but the Big Bad Wolf was too smart for them.” A fourth patch, depicting a bulls-eye target and intended to be worn on the helmet, was considered but ultimately rejected. After all, said Gallagher, “We’re a brotherhood.”