Where it's always 1997

Dear Hipster: Why can I not divide by zero? I feel like there’s some Illuminati conspiracy to cover up the truth. — Z.

Math has nothing to do with it. As anyone with an ounce of sense will tell you, dividing by zero splits the universe in two, creating a parallel universe exactly like ours, except in the parallel universe it’s always 1997 and everyone has to have one of those bowl haircuts and every single TV channel only shows Full House reruns on a 24-hour cycle. Be my guest if you want to live in that world, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.