Trump begins construction on Border Wall

NO, NOT REALLY — On March 25, President Trump tweeted that “work will start immediately” on the Great Border Wall. Few people believed him, but fewer still could have predicted that later that same day, the President himself would journey to the desert outside San Diego and begin digging the Wall’s foundation by hand.

But Trump didn’t think anyone had reason to be surprised. “Anyone who knows my history knows that I’m a self-starter,” he explained. “I know that if you want something, you have to go out and do the work to get it, like Daniel Plainview in There Will Be Blood. Nobody is going to do it for you. So yes, I asked Mexico if they would build my wall. And I asked Congress if they would build my wall. And I asked the military if they would build my wall. In each case, it was the appropriate thing to do: Mexico created the need for the wall by sending bad hombres, swarms of illegals, and tons of drugs over the border. Congress is responsible for representing its citizens, who feel the need for the wall because they’re the ones dealing with increased crime, tons of drugs, and an illegal workforce. And the military is supposed to defend the country from foreign invasion — ‘nuff said. But I knew that in the end, it would fall to me, and me alone. And that’s okay. I’ve built things before, before I was President. Hotels, casinos, luxury residences. I know how to get things built. And I know that if you want to make America great again, you have to be willing to get your hands dirty.”