There are bands other than Green Day and Blink 182

Dear Hipster: As far as comparative Christmas-ruining is concerned, what would be worse — accidentally telling your four-year-old cousins the truth about Santa Claus or forgetting to get your boy- or girlfriend a Christmas present? — Alex

Maybe I’ve always been an irreverent little hipster not prone to stand on ceremony, but I remember laughing my five-year-old ass off when Father Hipster used the phrase “fat, fictitious, elf” to shatter my childhood illusions of mystical, chimney-shimmying gift-givers. In hipster terms, the former is like finding out there are bands other than Green Day and Blink 182, i.e. “growing up.” The latter is more like when you find out all your favorite Zeppelin songs are ripped off from something else, i.e. potentially relationship ending. I’m just going to assume you managed both of these feats this year, and say you should worry more about the latter.