SDSU seeks to resolve controversy by adopting new mascot

Poor Monty Montezuma. For almost 30 years, the fearsome Aztec warrior and San Diego State University mascot has had to do battle not just against opposing teams, but against a steady stream of criticism regarding his very existence. Defenders have pointed to the Aztec nation’s legendary excellence in conquest as sufficient raison d’etre for his mascot status, and have even made efforts to update his image to reflect modern historical perspectives regarding indigenous Americans. But no matter what, critics continue to lump SDSU in with the Washington Redskins, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, and the Eastern Illinois Krauthammers as examples of institutional racism in the world of sports.

“Eventually,” says SDSU President Eliot Hirshman, “We realized that the time had come for a dramatic change, a shift so significant that it altered our very school colors. We realized the time had come for Monty to be entombed in the hallowed halls of history, and for our excellent university to adopt a new mascot to represent our collective spirit and will to put the hurt on the opposition.

“We looked around, and realized that our new mascot would have to be human. Because really, only humans are capable of the kind of recreational yet disciplined ferocity that marks a college football team. And we realized that he would have to be defined more by his chosen profession than by anything inherently personal, such as his race or tribe or need to sacrifice his enemies to appease the gods. We needed a mascot who embodied the values of teamwork, dedication, and brute force that any good football team needs to win. And we think we found us a winner: ladies and gentlemen, I give you Officer Po-Po, official mascot of the San Diego State University athletics program. From this day forward, our teams will no longer be known as the Aztecs, but as the Police. Look out, America, here come the Police! Go go Po-Po!”