Gifts for the last-minute hipster shopper

Dear Hipster:

I’m super burnt out on the whole “holiday shopping” scene. I went to the movies in Mission Valley the other day, and I’m still having flashbacks from the sight of cars practically running each other over in a desperate bid to be first to the parked-out car park at the mall. And I didn’t even try to go shopping! Any good ideas for last-minute, ironic, pop-culture-savvy gifts for the average holiday parties this year? Preferably stuff I can get on Amazon?

— Chris

Maybe some “Nasty Woman” T-shirts and Clinton campaign stickers? No? Too soon?

Most years, there’s some redonkulous gizmo that rides a tidal wave of ironic popularity to the forefront of global awareness. Unfortunately for 2016, the only thing this crappy year managed to do for us was kill off talented musicians and unfortunate gorillas. Twenty sixteen never got its Shakeweight. The best we can do is the exploding Galaxy Note 7.

At least this year brought us the Hipster Nativity scene from Modern Nativity. Probably too rich for the office white-elephant gift exchange, but worth considering nonetheless for the last-minute hipster shopper.

Personally, I don’t understand the apoplectic fury arising from the bowels of popular resentment over the figurines, which portray Segway-riding hipster magi bestowing Amazon packages on a mid-selfie baby Jesus. I think it’s hilarious. My only regret is that I didn’t think of it myself, which is probably the reason that people get so mad about stuff like this. They’re just jealous some cool hipster had a better idea than they did. Haters gonna hate.

Me, I think I’m just going to skip the whole gift-giving thing this year. I’m over it, already thinking about New Year’s Eve, and ready for 2017. Bring it on, Year that Couldn’t Possibly be Any Less Funny or Enjoyable Than This One! I’ll be ready. Let’s get a head start on the Valentine’s Day decorations.