Dis the DST

Dear Hipster:

I direct this question to you, because I feel that the world at large ought to be “over it” in regards to Daylight Savings Time and because hipsters are the masters of being over it, whatever “it” is. Anyways, I have a trick question for you. What should I do to recuperate the hour that I give up to Daylight Savings Time?

— Marty

You lose nothing to Daylight Savings Time, because no such thing exists. It is correctly spelled Daylight Saving Time, with the second word in the singular.

Regardless of spelling, I remain uncertain whether the time change retains any utility in the modern era. I’d remind everybody that Daylight Saving Time begins March 8, but I don’t have to, because it’s 2015. DST is one of those things that makes me glad for my smartphone. Back in the dark ages, people would show up late for work and stuff if they forgot to change the clocks. Nowadays? Meh.

As for your missing hour, I recommend finding a suitable earthenware vessel beforehand, then, instead of just discarding the hour, pack it in the jar with some kosher salt and a mixture of your favorite spices. Cover it and leave somewhere cool (but not cold), for the duration of DST. You’ll know things are progressing nicely if the contents smell of hot sunshine, OK Go music videos, and unicorn dreams. After a summer’s fermentation, the lost hour will mature into three or four days of concentrated party time. You’ll know it’s ready when your horoscope reads like a Carson McCullers poem and the jar hums softly to the tune of the universe.