Tastelessness is relative

Dear Hipster:

I like to keep my sunglasses on the back of my head when it’s too dark to wear them. My girlfriend freaks out about it. She says it makes me look “trashy.” But, seriously, they’re just sunglasses, right? How do I get her to lay off on this one?

— Need My Shades

Dat feel when bae won’t let you wear your glasses how you want?

I know dat feel, bro.

Oh, nope. Scratch that. I know nothing about any of those feels. In a world filled with very common problems, I suspect yours is (almost) unique. Perhaps try reminding your girlfriend that you could be emulating a Corey-Hart-sunglasses-at-night level of nerdy failure. Even worse, you could just as easily be the guy caught shielding his eyes from the sun, despite the fact that he’s wearing a baseball cap and a set of Oakleys, both backward.

Believe me. That guy exists, at least according to my Twitface feeds, and what has been seen cannot be unseen. It’s always good to be reminded that every stupid thing you might feasibly do will probably be made public at some point, so you just have to be less objectionable than the next guy, at least in matters of tastelessness.