What beard? I never had a beard

DJ:

When the beard falls out of hipster fashion, do you believe we will see a creative sideburn and/or mustache phase or just a clean shave?

— Matt G

The ironic mustache gained its foothold in hipster culture during the late-2000s, peaked in popularity at the beginning of the present decade, and has been considered properly mainstream since July 17, 2011, when a local hipster visionary (whose name has been withheld by request) unlocked the double-achievement of shaving his signature handlebar and refusing to acknowledge the fact of the shaving whenever anybody asked about it.

Since that day, no San Diegan mustache can be knowingly worn in irony, and I doubt we will see anything other than a gradual decline in mustache-wearing among local hipsters.

For that reason, and because of my unerring ability to see the future of all things cool (sarcasm), I predict a steady rise in clean-shaven hipsters.