Flat Albert: Mother Goose parade float suffers mysterious deflation

Everybody knows Bill Cosby's lovable animated creation, Fat Albert. But what everybody doesn't know is that the corpulent cartoon was all set to appear in this year's Mother Goose parade in El Cajon. All set, that is, until he suffered a horrible assault. Parade director Mabel Gusse shakes her head as she tells the story:

"Given his naturally rotund appearance," says Gusse, "Fat Albert seemed like a natural addition to our world-famous collection of inflatables. Plus, in these times of increased sensitivity to diversity and inclusiveness, it seemed like a good idea to include some characters of color in our usual band of colorful characters. Further, the timing seemed especially fortuitous, given Mr. Cosby's renewed cultural presence. Both NBC and Netflix are working with the legendary comedian to produce new content featuring the beloved comedian's brand of family-friendly hijinks.

"But shockingly, it seems that not everyone shared our fondness for Mr. Albert and his creator. The night before the parade, while Fat was 'sleeping' with the other floats, some rapscallion slipped into our warehouse and poked a hole in him. It was a big hole, in a place that rendered the inflatable more anatomically correct, but also completely impossible to inflate. And then, to add insult to injury, the whole thing was smeared with what appeared to be Jell-O brand chocolate pudding.

"We are, of course, baffled. Everybody loves Fat Albert. Everybody loves Bill Cosby. All we can conclude is that drugs are somehow involved. Drugs can make people do things they would never do otherwise. We know that. I just hope Mr. Cosby doesn't hear about it and get the wrong idea."