Drainpipes 'n' winklepickers

Dear Hipster:

Re: your November 26 column. The Hipster is clearly far too young to be able to pontificate on what is or is not “hip” or “hipster” (whatever that means). Punk rock and skinny jeans. My foot! Or, more like, “My winklepicker shoes!” (Ouch!) The “skinny jeans” or, more accurately, “drainpipe jeans,” go back to the 1950s and 60s, even back as far as Roy Rogers, as I understand it. Has anybody of your “hipster” fraternity ever heard of Elvis Presley? Ask him about it when you next see him.

— “The Ancient Brit” via email

Of course hipsters know of this “Elvis Presley” character! He’s the guy wearing Carl Perkins’s blue suede shoes, right? His jeans were skinny, but not that skinny. Besides, wasn’t he known more for the raging pelvis than for the jeans that could barely contain it? Rockabilly wannabes sometimes dress kind of like him, but with more tattoos and Bananarama shoes. We don’t consider them hipsters because their look hasn’t been fashionable since the first time the Stray Cats broke up. The rockabilly crowd broke away from the greater hipster empire long ago, and they show no signs of ever rejoining us. The only thing the two factions share is a mutual fondness for Kim Jong Un’s haircut.