Desperate roommate, filthy liar

Dear Hipster:

How do I get my roommate to wash more dishes? She always says she will do it “later,” but then the dishes pile up and pile up and she’s “too busy” to clean anything, so I end up cleaning up after her. And then she always says, “Oh, thanks! I was going to do that but you beat me to it!” which I don’t believe.

— Glenn

You’re not alone in this problem. No matter how good your Synchronicity, the dishes will always be the unsatisfiable Sting in the otherwise productive Police of amicable housing situations. The massive gulf that opens between roommates over doing the dishes (or not) can shatter the tightest group. Segregated parties go solo, but it’s never quite as good as Ghost in the Machine; because you brought out something great in each other, if not for that one, nagging personality clash.

Things like this don’t change. Sting and Stewart Copeland still can’t share the sandbox, DiCaprio still doesn’t have an Oscar, and your roommate won’t transform into Mr. Clean just because you ask politely.

You’ll be surprised to find that housekeepers, on the other hand, are remarkably affordable.