Feel the Beat

Though the criminal case against disgraced former mayor Bob "Big Hands" Filner has been closed in the wake of his guilty plea, attorney Gloria "Sue" Allred's sexual harassment suit, filed on behalf of Irene "Irate" McCormack is still open. And in a surprise ruling today, District Court Judge Jury Executioner named the pop artist Pitbull as a co-defendant, together with Ne-Yo, Afrojack, and Nayer, artists featured on Mr. Bull's 2011 hit "Give Me Everything."

"Recent rulings on bullying and hate speech have determined that certain types of incendiary statements do carry with them a measure of culpability before the law," said Executioner. "Mr. Filner has made it clear that he was led to make sexually aggressive gestures and statements toward Ms. McCormack after hearing Ne-Yo sing, 'Grab somebody sexy, tell them hey, give me everything tonight' on Mr. Bull's record. Mr. Filner complied with the suggestion, and that compliance has led us to the current situation. It's just like when the Beatles told Charles Manson to kill all those people."

Reached for comment, pop singer Robin Thicke said he was relieved that Mr. Filner was so behind the times. "If he'd been hip enough to listen to 'Blurred Lines,' it'd be me and [collaborator] T.I. in court instead of Pitbull and Ne-Yo. Can you imagine Filner quoting 'I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two?' to some coworker? We'd be toast."