Dating Is Warfare

Title: Dating Is Warfare Address: http://datingiswarfare.blogspot.com Author: Dating Trooper From: Hillcrest Blogging since: February 2007 Post Date: February 21, 2007 Post Title: "Based on my tarot card reading..."

I think you will agree... That's not a promising way to begin any sentence. Despite this, I found myself starting a recent journal entry that way. (Yes, I save my true, inner ramblings, in an illegible, serial-killer scrawl, within the pages of my bedside journal.) I knew as I was writing it that it sounded ridiculous, but I also was aware that what was to follow these silly words was something powerful that could change my life: Based on my tarot card reading, I am going to have to get a lot more strategic in my dating life. Duh. Any dumbass could have -- or should have -- thought of this already, without the aid of a tarot-card-reading friend. Nevertheless, that is how I apparently needed to figure it out.

I've been going at this husband-searching thing so half-assed. I've been focusing on what I don't have or am not getting instead of setting a goal for what I want and then strategizing how to get it.

So now comes the scariest question: "What the hell do I want?" Here is the list to date (no pun intended):

1. To find love and get married. Note the "find love" part. I already know I won't settle for the "get married" part without the "find love" part.

2. Have at least one child.

3. The guy has to be at least my height (5'9"), and even that's pushing it.

OK. So these first three are absolutely nonnegotiable. The remainder of the list is where I'm struggling. How much of a deal breaker is the rest of it?

4. Must have a solid and proven group of friends. No loners.

5. Must have a college degree. Wildly successful businessmen with demonstrated ability to accomplish long-term goals are the only exception.

6. Financially stable. Note: not rich, but able to manage money and make more than me (that's not that hard, is it!?). Home and/or condo ownership is a plus.

7. Likes animals and is not opposed to owning at least one cat and one dog, simultaneously.

8. Does not want more than two kids. That's my max (imposed by my clearly understood patience level and low tolerance for noise, and my biological clock).

9. Does not play video games on a regular basis. If he owns an XBox or anything like it, he must demonstrate to me that he only takes it out when one specific friend from back East comes to visit. (Extra points if he can't resist a stand-up Galaga machine, though).

10. Has at least one of the following qualities (but by no means no more than two): organized, plans ahead, good time-manager, efficient, energetic, punctual.

11. As for religion, he can fall into only the following categories: Jewish (no more than Reformed, or maybe a very liberal Conservative); agnostic; spiritual but not religious; atheist but doesn't think people who do believe in God are stupid; Christian by birth but doesn't really think Jesus Christ is the son of God; Buddhist; Taoist; any nature-based religion. Basically, if you think Jesus is the Savior or are a Mormon, Muslim, or Satanist, you're not my dream guy. But God bless ya.

There are still a few areas where I haven't made up my mind. These are:

(a) Ethnicity -- I suppose white-ish (define that, someone?), but just because this would mean we might be able to avoid a lot of hot-button issues that are hard enough even when you aren't married to each other. But would I turn down a great man because of it? No way. So I guess this is not a deal breaker but a yellow caution light.

(b) Owns a motorcycle and is very passionate about it. I wouldn't or couldn't make a guy give up one of his passions just because I can't handle the 99 percent certainty he'll get into an accident.

(c) Wants to ultimately end up settled somewhere god-awful. Like Floribama.

(d) Workaholic -- When I'm with him, he's fantastic, and he earns a ton of money for us to potentially spend. But he never gets any time to spend it.

(e) Has terrible fashion sense and is resistant to suggestions. At the very least he needs to have cool taste in shoes.

(f) Has children. I think that is a BIG "it depends," but I might be able to qualify it by saying he can only have one kid, be on good terms with the ex, and be a good father. No "Oh, yeah, I have a kid, but he's hardly ever around, so don't worry about it." Yes, I have heard that before, and it is NOT a plus.

(g) Family problems. Do I really have a right to go there? Well, I think I can qualify again here: has a messed up family and doesn't know it or doesn't know how to handle it.

(h) Thinks therapy is absolutely a joke and huge waste of time and money.

So that's as far as I've gotten. Perhaps you've learned surprising new things about me (like I'm a racist, materialistic, baby-hungry wench? Hopefully not). Or maybe you learned something about yourself. Or maybe you're just thanking God you are off the market and don't have to think about this shit anymore. Either way, I will try to consult this list along the way to make sure I'm staying true to my word.