December 31 marks last conception at Santee Drive-In

Though they don’t know it yet, Lakeside teens Tommy Tootense and Audrey Friendly were the final pair of youngsters to conceive a child at the Santee Drive-In, ending a longstanding tradition of sexual shenanigans and their natural consequences taking place in the relative privacy of a parked car during an outdoor movie screening. The couple were attending the historic theater’s final night of operations on December 31, and may even have intended to watch its presentation of Wonka. “But when those chocolate cartel guys started swooning over how yummy Willie’s chocolate was, Tommy said something about how I was sweeter than any candy he’d ever tasted, and one thing kind of led to another,” recalled Friendly after the film had ended. Friendly expressed sorrow over the drive-in’s closing, and said they weren’t sure where they would conduct any future trysts, “since Tommy’s little brother is always spying on us at his place, and my stepdad gets all weird about other boys in my room. But we’ll figure something out, because love conquers all.” Santee Drive-In management declined to comment on the conception, but noted that kids today are mostly on their phones and hardly seem to date anymore, as evidenced by the declining attendance that ulimately forced the business to shut down.