New homeowners object to Catholic cemetery development next door

Homebuyers in the recently opened Wildgrove development in Vista were upset by the news that the Diocese of San Diego has filed a major use permit application for an adjacent property — formerly a succulent nursery — to turn the land into a Catholic cemetery. “Oh my God, you have got to be kidding me,” said Wildgrove Resident Sarah Apostate. “Isn’t Vista dead enough without actual dead people next door? And why did they have to be Catholics? If there’s one thing horror movies have taught me, it’s that devils, demons, ghosts and the like are especially fond of papists. The place is going to be a magnet for bad juju. I’d sooner live near a dollar store.”

“Honestly, we don’t see the problem,” replied Diocese of San Diego spokesman Morrie Memento, “unless these people are somehow living in denial about human mortality, which frankly doesn’t seem very healthy. If you think you’ll never die, you probably won’t be too careful about how you live. Just look at teenagers. Anyway, if that’s the case, then it’s a good thing they have our new Eternal Sleep statue up there at the top of the hill to correct them. The Reaper is real, and he’s coming for you, as noted on the stone next to our Angel of Death. The good news is that death is not the end. We shall all rise again to judgment, as indicated by that grave with the fellow climbing up out of it. And the even better news is that Jesus will be there to welcome us when we do, just like he’s doing for that sweet little girl on the swing in the foreground. Let the little children come unto him, indeed.”