Flailing SDSU chases Prime shine, hires former star

“Nick Canepa was right,” admits SDSU Head of Football Revenue Bill Dollar. “He wrote in the U-T that 'Colorado is the hottest Prime steak on the national grill. And it’s all because, against all the millions of warning signs, the Buffs hired Deion "Coach Prime” Sanders, a big name with a big personality who had a few years of success at Jackson State, to run their program. No matter how his rookie Division I season ends, it’s not going to be forgotten that he took a 1-11 team, jammed the roster into a shredder, and not only brought in 86 new players, but created the buzz of the year by somehow Rumpelstiltskinned straw into gold and glued the product together after a few practice sessions.' He also wrote that SDSU this season was 'football, castrated.' So we decided to grow some balls and get our own celebrity coach, SDSU alum and Hall of Fame running back Marshall Faulk. We’re hoping he can help solve our miserable game attendance problem by grabbing some headlines, jazzing up the staff, exposing the program’s junk, and inspiring our boys to manhandle the opposition."