The wildest things on the Funky Fries & Burgers menu

Over the top burgers probably make up the biggest draw to Funky Fries & Burgers. A bacon cheeseburger topped with mac n cheese ($13.50) first lured me in, when I was specifically searching for out of control burger embellishments. I also found one topped with pizza sauce, pepperoni, sausage, and fried mozzarella sticks ($13.50).

Or maybe the dirty fries tempt more fans. This is the sort of shop that will top a massive pile of fries with the contents of a Philly cheesesteak ($13.50), or a surf and turf burrito ($14.50). It’s the rare place where a mountain of chili cheese fries ($11) could be seen as ordering light. Why settle for those when you can get chili mac and cheese fries ($13)?

There’s gluttony to be found, for sure. But, if you ask me, Funky has saved the most outrageous for last. Because, while I can imagine finishing a burger laden with BBQ pork, or a plate of fries loaded with bacon and eggs, or — if I’m really hungry — both, in one gut-busting sitting. But I cannot fathom finishing what lurks on the beverages menu. I’m talking about the freak shakes.

Hit the drive-thru window, and you can get your choice of standard, $6.50 milkshakes. And by “standard,” I mean thick, decadent shakes with the option to blend in bits of candy bar, sweet syrup, or sugary breakfast cereal. They’re a lot. They should be enough.

But enough is not Funky Fries & Burgers’ style. For those dining in, they’ll make you about the most lavish, indulgent milkshake imaginable. About $13 apiece, the freak shakes offer much more than ice cream; they’re practically dessert sculptures. For the so-called breakfast freak shake, the frosted glass is coated with Cap’n Crunch and Fruity Pebbles cereals, while above a heap of whipped cream are toothpick-mounted pancakes, pop tarts, and strips of bacon.

The cin-ful cinnamon freak shake gets built upon with cinnamon rolls and churros; while the Oreo galore shake is embellished with whole Oreo cookies, and an entire cookies and cream Klondike ice cream sandwich!

King of them all has to be the appropriately named chocolate overload. First, the chocolate-frosted glass gets ornamented by chocolate chips, M&Ms, several fun-size candy bars, and a thick coat of rainbow sprinkles. Then a pile of whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and more sprinkles. Then not one, but two Hostess cupcakes, followed by a full-size ice cream sandwich. Topping the whole thing off is a bit of cheek: a burger-shaped gummy candy.

Basically, this freak shake makes the mac n cheese bacon burger look like a snack. I bought one for the most candy- and ice-cream-loving kid I know, and he barely made it past the first ice cream sandwich and half the actual milkshake. He didn’t even mind when I swiped one of the candy bars.

And I can’t blame him. Thor himself might struggle to finish a freak shake. But if you think you can climb this milkshake Everest, Funky Fries & Burgers has locations in both National City and El Cajon. Best of luck.