Perps and victims unite in call to remove law enforcement from campus

Last week, both students and faculty members from UCSD gathered with local social justice organizations to advocate for the removal of the UCPD, the branch of the police department that patrols the the university’s campus. Protestors cited racial profiling incidents, and the school was quick to respond with promises of a plan that will help students feel more “welcomed, respected, and protected” in the future.

“I don’t know about that last part, but I’m totally on board with the whole Cops Off Campus thing,” said Gore de Sade, spokesman for the perfectly horrible UCSD student group The Grim Rapers. “In recent years, the school has really stepped up the whole ‘prevent sexual assault’ thing, and the campus police have been a depressingly effective part of that effort. It’s our hope that once this campus is free of racist, thuggish cops, it will once again be the domain of racist, thuggish students. Because besides being sexually aberrant, our group is pretty racist, too, and we’re sure looking forward to getting away with more hate crimes once the po-po are no mo.”