SDG&E mascot begs for company to be relieved of temptation to abuse its customers

When SDG&E created smartwatch-based mascot Friendly McPlugface, they gave him one simple task: convince people that it’s okay for the company that provides people with electricity to charge more when people actually need that electricity. That is, between the hours of 4 pm and 9 pm, when kids come home from school, parents come home from work, homework is done, meals are prepared, and lights are turned on against the crushing darkness that forever threatens to envelop humanity in its nightmarish void. “It’s true that it’s always a tricky business screwing people over and telling them they should be happy about it,” said SDG&E Head of Head Games Kyle “Killer” Watt. “But you should never underestimate the power of a cute little face spinning it so that it sounds like a power-saving initiative, where everybody does their part. And by using power when you don’t need it as much, you can even lower your bill! Unfortunately, something went wrong with his AI, and he’s gone rogue, yammering about the public trust like a Bernie Sanders campaign bot. Next thing you know, he’ll be complaining about our request to raise rates because of the costs associated with the horrific wildfires we caused! Someone should tell him that someone’s got to pay for all that damage, and it ain’t gonna be a private enterprise operation. We have shareholders to consider.”