Horned zoo filler strikes again at San Diego Safari Park

On December 29, a roughly six-month old baby giraffe named Kumi was discovered on the grounds of the San Diego Zoo Safari Park with a gore wound to his stomach. When the wound proved inoperable, Park staff made the heartbreaking decision to euthanize the lovable, long-necked youngster. Between sobs, Zoo spokeswoman Roberta Feral s made a public statement that the wound was most likely inflicted by “an antelope, or a gazelle, or an ibex, or an oryx, or one of those other fancy deer things with pointy horns that we don’t even bother to name. And let me assure you, we’d rather put the whole lot of them down than lose poor Kumi here, but it’s too late now. Plus, we sort of need them to fill out the ecosystem or something.”

It seems her message has gotten through, though perhaps not in the way she intended. On January 6, Safari Park cameras caught the above image of a Büttmunchër’s Antelope standing over the corpse of Dumbobo, an African elephant born in late October. An autopsy confirmed that the precious pachyderm perished from a puncture wound inflicted by the Büttmunchër’s right horn, which broke off inside his tender tummy. “Frankly, we’re not only horrified, we’re mystified,” said Feral to this reporter. “What on earth could be inspiring this anonymous predator bait to attack our most valued animals? It just doesn’t make sense.”