The Art of the Steal

In August, San Diego Congressman and noted vaper Duncan Hunter was indicted by a federal grand jury on 60 counts, and the San Diego U.S. Attorney’s Office accused Hunter and his wife Margaret of conspiring to use $250,000 of campaign funds for personal expenses.

Both Hunter and his wife pleaded not guilty to the charges, and in his outrage over the very idea that his $14,000 family vacation to Italy was anything other than a legitimate campaign expense, the puffin’ pol made bold to assert that he was the victim of the same witch hunt that was forever harrying President Donald Trump. “You have partisan, biased Department of Justice employees that are doing it to Trump, they’re doing it to me,” Hunter said. “This is political. period. There is — this is the U.S. Government at what i would call the ‘Deep State,’ or folks in the U.S. Government that don’t care what the election does, they want to rig the election their own way.”

Hunter was an early champion of the President, but he quickly learned that when it comes to the man who wrote The Art of the Deal, some things are more important than friendship. “Hunter thinks he’s like me — SAD!,” tweeted the President. “Congressman is strictly small-time. Overdrawn bank accounts instead of brilliant bankruptcies. Dinner at fast-food restaurants instead of the finest restaurants. And who the hell goes to Italy for less than 50 grand?” Subsequent tweets lamented Hunter’s “bad deals and penny-ante schemes,” such as buying golf shorts and listing the expense as “golf balls for wounded warriors.” “If he was really like me, he’d understand: if you want to get away with it, you have to go big! Does anyone really think I spent $107 million in donations on my inauguration?” Trump ended the tweet with a money sign and a winking emoji.