The Know-it-all and the Space Invader

Scott Starbuck, a writing and literature coordinator at Mesa College, is the author of Lost Salmon (MoonPathPress) from which the following excerpts are taken.

Know-it-all

If it can be caught, shot, bought, or trophy-mounted, he’s done it. Any lure, idea, or solution you offer is always inferior to what he has in mind. If you fished remote canyons, he fished remoter. If you know a good spot to catch fish, forget it, because his mind (he thinks) is an SR-71 Blackbird and yours is a tricycle with a warped rim. If you really want to fish with this loud mouth, feign deafness and keep talking as if you heard nothing he said.

Space Invader

In a 70-yard stretch of emptiness, he will try to stand in your back pocket like you have been waiting for him all your life. However, sometimes he will materialize out of thin air the instant you hook or land a fish. Next, he will bring a crowd of other space invaders. The best solution is to howl like your appendix has ruptured, then projectile vomit. Orange Gatorade can be mixed with red grapes, peanuts, or squid for texture. Say, “I never had this problem until I traveled to Bolivia. I hope it’s not contagious.”

Mr. Starbuck will read from his next book, Hawk on Wire at Vanguard Culture in San Diego on May 2, 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.