Throw a party like it’s 2017

A few new years have dawned since we had a New Year’s party in our own home. But 12 a.m., January 1, 2017, will be different. The bubbly will be bubbling, the streamers will be streaming, the noisemakers will be...noising. That’s not a real word, but we won’t care, because we’ll be having so much damn fun. It’s been a long year, and the Kellys want to party.

“Count me in,” smiled friend Bernice as we sat over dinner with her hubby Frank. “I already have a party hat,” she laughed, “a feather sparkly Happy New Year tiara. You have to seize any tiara-wearing opportunities that come your way [Amazon, $6.81 for the Sparkling New Year Feather Tiara]....

“And I have a party accessory for your terrier Oreo,” she smiled. “We can’t leave him out of the festivities. It’s a black top hat with gold ‘Happy New Year’ written on it [Amazon, $11.92 for the small-size hat]. And if you want to really bling him out, though it’s a bit pricey, I also saw a black tutu dress with rhinestone ‘Happy New Year’ on the back,” she added (Amazon, $31.65 for the Dog Squad Tutu Dress).

“Excuse me,” I replied, “Oreo is all man. He won’t be wearing a tutu. But the top hat sounds great. He can greet our guests at the front door.”

“You’ve got a couple of weeks to train him to take coats like a butler,” Frank quipped.

“What would you recommend for some decent bubbly?” I asked Frank, who is a wine connoisseur.

“In general, Italian prosecco is less expensive and fairly more reliable than domestic sparkling or champagne,” answered Frank. “That said, my go-to for proper bubbly is a domestic sparkling wine: Roederer Estate Anderson Valley Sparkling Wine [$17.99 at San Diego Wine Company].”

The following week I devoted some time to party-supply hunting, and over coffee Saturday morning at Sheldon’s in La Mesa, I filled hubby Patrick in on some ideas. “Every woman needs a fur hat and shawl outfit,” I told him. “If not for herself, for her bottle of vino,” I said, flashing him my iPhone across the table for him to see. “Cost Plus World Market is selling a white set. It would be a fun party decoration [Fur Hat and Shawl Bottle Outfit, $6.99].”

“Sure,” Patrick replied coyly, “it would be a cheap way to discharge my promise to buy you a fur someday.”

Smiling at my man, I continued on. “I found a curtain of icicle lights that we can hang at our archway as guests come in,” I said. “It will make for a nice backdrop for selfies [Amazon, $22.99 for the BinTeng nine feet of curtain white string lights, 16 hanging strings total].”

“We can place a basket with selfie props in front of the backdrop. I ordered a ten-count of funny photo-booth props,” I said. “I’m saving the sign ‘Kiss Me Now, Midnight Is Past My Bedtime’ for you,” I winked (Amazon, $14.99 for the Funny New Year’s Eve Photo Booth Prop Kit).

“Party crackers? Can there be a holiday bash without them?” asked my youthful man.

“I didn’t forget you, honey. I know how much you love a good cheesy knee-slapper,” I offered. “I found Gem Party Crackers that have a joke, a party hat, and wine charms. We might be able to keep track of what glass belongs to what partier [Pier 1 Imports, $15.96 for the package of eight].”

“Not likely,” Patrick mused, “but who cares?”

“Or we could go with the musical party crackers that are pitched differently and see how well our boozed-up whistle orchestra could perform?” I added (Amazon, Original Concerto Music Crackers with Whistles, $30.33 for an eight-pack).

“That could be great...or really awful,” said Patrick, clearly warming to the party-planning task. “Look,” he pushed his iPhone to me, “this what your drunken whistle orchestra needs — more cowbell [Amazon, Green Metal Cowbell, 12-pack for $7.24].”

“Really, we just need our own Times Square ball, nothing else is necessary,” said Patrick. 

“Yep, got it,” I said. “Our very own Kelly Lane New Year’s Eve sparkling ball for the countdown [Amazon, eight-inch Mirror Ball, $17.69]. But,” I looked into my man’s gorgeous green eyes, “what I’m really looking forward to is kissing in 2017 with you.”