Vinyl record market collapses

A local thrift store is under investigation by the Dept. of HUD (Hipster Underground Dwellings) after suffering a second-story collapse brought on by the weight of thousands of vinyl records being stored there. No one was injured, but investigators have not ruled out the possibility of action against Buddy Jock, owner of Thrift Trader on University Avenue.

"My God, who gave this guy a license to do business, the Grandma's Attic Society?" asked Wilberforce McGillicuddy, lead investigator for the team, as he tugged at the handlebar of his mustache and gazed in horror at the thousands of albums scattered about the wreckage, many of them partially escaped from their protective sleeves. "Everybody knows that you don't store vinyl upstairs, because duh, heat rises. Even a slightly warped LP is a crime against nature. These albums and the sociological significance they denote should have been kept at ground level, or better still, in a tastefully decorated but deeply inexpensive basement accessible only from a side alley. But then, what can you expect in an era of music that is both digitally made and digitally delivered? Philistines."