Navy initiates "Hey, Sailor!" recruitment campaign in effort to stem tide of sexual harrassment on ships

Navy Spokesman Brett Pupdek: "It was bad enough when we had to boot Captain Greg Gombert off the USS Cowpens after he made his onboard sweetheart, Lt. Cmdr. Destiny Savage, the 'acting commanding officer,' whatever that means. I guess it's like when a husband gives his wife the remote, except the remote is a Ticonderoga-class guided missile cruiser. But now, just a few months later, we're having to relieve Cmdr Luis Alva from his duties on the USS Vandergrift for playing grabass with a petty officer's wife! I guess it really is like that Smithers character on the Simpsons said: women and seamen don't mix. Unless maybe the seamen are interested in seamen. Anyway, we're going to give this 'Gavy' thing a try and see how things go. It's not like people haven't been saying it about the squids since forever."