Disease-ter update

"San Diego has been hit with a rash of disease news of late, and disease news is a terrible vector for panic," says UCSD Professor of Masses Management Elaine Panacea. "It spreads rapidly, often mutating as it travels from carrier to carrier. And while the news may contain a list of possible precautions, it can't offer much in the way of reassurance. Meningitis is here. Now it's there. Who knows where it will show up next? West Nile Virus is carried by mosquitoes. Maybe you don't have any standing water in your yard, but what about your neighbor? And don't even get me started on Ebola. It only took a month to go from Presidential assurances that Ebola probably wouldn't make it to the U.S. to the setting up of a special Ebola ward in a San Diego hospital. In the face of news like this, panic is a perfectly natural and even rational response. What it boils down to is this: 'You're going to die. And thanks to these diseases, it might be sooner than later. Good night and good luck.'"

Happily, says Panacea, there is a cure. "Gas prices are at a four-year low in San Diego. The price of oil has dropped 30% since June. That's some good news right there. Focus on that. You can feel the calming effect almost immediately. Maybe you can't avoid an agonizing death at the hands of some microscopic pathogen, but you can fill up at the pump and maybe have a little left over for beer. Which is another excellent remedy for panic, by the way."