Macaulay Culkin's Pizza Underground underwhelms Tijuana hipster dive

Author

By Chad Deal

Publish Date

March 14, 2014

"Wait! Where's Kevin?!"

Macaulay Culkin’s Pizza Underground turned out be exactly what everyone had expected — an over-hyped, under-talented group of friends who got stoned and took an inside joke (which should have worn off with the weed) as far as they possibly could. Where they arrived was a place of blasé if not outright cheeky covers of the Velvet Underground and Nirvana with the lyrics lazily reworked to be about pizza — "Papa John Says" (“Jane Says”), "Pizza Gal" (“Femme Fatale”), "I'm Beginning to Eat the Slice" (“I'm Waiting for the Man”), "All the Pizza Parties" (“All Tomorrow's Parties”) — providing endless snark-fodder for music bloggers across the country and eliciting little more than shrugs from the Home Alone generation.

Never have I seen so many iPhones out at one time in a Tijuana bar. The sound was way too low. After about ten minutes, everyone gave up trying and drowned out the band with Modelo-fueled banter. I was near the back of the open-air venue and didn't even know the band had finished until a friend halted our conversation, whispering, "Dude, it's Him." Mac strutted past looking like he had just gotten laid, and I knew then that this was the core of the whole spectacle: nothing but the bragging rights to say that you once rubbed shoulders with Kevin McAllister at a Tijuana hipster dive. Buzz, your girlfriend, WOOF!