There’s gonna be a resolution

New year, new resolutions. Whereas “normal humans” resolve to accomplish goals such as losing weight, swearing less, and cutting back on alcohol, musicians come from a different mindset. They’re “cut from a different cloth,” as the saying goes, and as you’ll see by the following list of resolutions from your local noise-makers.

Brian Reilly, who plays in the New Kinetics, the Hiroshima Mockingbirds, the Diddley Daddies, and the Little Richards, complains, “My posture sucks. I look like I should be pushing a walker with tennis balls on it.” Okay, when Oxford decides to redefine resolution as “pretty much the same thing as a confession,” this will make perfect sense. Reilly then coughed up an actual resolution (sort of), “I want to drive to Texas and throw my phone in the Gulf of Mexico. This will allow me to spend time writing about the drive back on 66 and not wasting time reading the ‘Best of Craigslist.’” May as well “hold the phone,” Brian. There won’t be a ton to write about regarding a road that hasn’t technically existed since June 27, 1985.

Mishey Touchie of the Touchies says, “My New Years resolution is to become a better drummer. I don’t play drums in my band, it’s just my side music. So far, I know two beats. My current level of drumming is about as good as Ritchie Valens’s brother Bob from La Bamba...remember the scene in the bar? ‘Oh boy!’ My inspiration is Lety from Schitzophonics. If I could be even half as good as she is, I will be stoked. Practice practice.” “Oh boy” is right, Mishey. Better hope Esai Morales isn’t reading this, he is notoriously sensitive about his onscreen drumming.

And speaking of Lety [Beers] from Schitzophonics and the Rosalyns, she chimed in with her own resolutions: “My New Year’s resolution is to finally finish up the Schitzophonics LP! We have a bunch of high-energy stompers in the works! Also, I plan on getting more handy dandy with my sewing machine. Anja Stax is the mastermind behind The Rosalyns look, and I plan on working with her on future clothing projects.”

Perhaps Lety and Anja could collaborate on a hip new look for local old-timers Geezer. Until then, Adam Gimbel Sr., leader of the hearing and contextually impaired band, says, “The New Years Revolution will be slow but mighty. The elderly will rule again! On your knees, teenager! You will turn down that crap! You will get off of our lawn...right after you mow it. Wait, what was the question again?”