Black light fashion

My man Patrick and I have been to a lot of themed parties, but never to a black-light party. That will change in a couple of weeks. Perhaps inspired by her new workout wardrobe of neon shoes matched with neon tops — which I think make her look like a Teletubby — my best friend Bernice and her man Frank decided to throw a black-light party.

Like her gym clothes, the idea strikes me as a little...1984. But, what the heck. I’m going. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that Eve will party.

Patrick is pumped on the idea. “Some cool accessories — that’s all we need,” he said while plopping himself on the couch next to me, handing me my MacBook. “We’re going to tear it up like a couple of F5 party tornadoes.”

“Do ‘party tornadoes’ have glowing lips? Because, if so, I’ve found you Glow in the Dark Lip Gloss, a four-piece set with choices of yellow, pink, green, or blue [$9.99 at coolglow.com].”

“As long as they come in glowing purple,” winked Patrick.

“You’re in luck,” I answered, “I’ve found the Fluorescent Cream Stick in purple [$5.19 at coolglow.com]. Or I can just paint you. Glominex Blacklight UV Reactive Paint comes in 12 colors [$4.58 for a 12-pack of 1 oz. jars at coolglow.com]. Or we can go with makeup sticks and draw some designs onto you [six-count of Neon Black Light Makeup Sticks for $5.99 at Party City].”

“But what about you?” asked Patrick.

“I’m leaning toward some kind of hair effect,” I replied. “I found hair spray that glows under the black light [Black Light Hair Spray for $3.99 at Spirit Halloween]. Or I can go flashy with fiber-optic hair lights [six-pack of 14-inch multicolor flashing barrette Light-up Fiber Optic LED Hair Lights for $5.44 on Amazon]. And for you I hunted down a Mohawk LED Fiber Optic Headband [$14.95 at gadgetsandgear.com].”

“My nails will be glowing,” I continued. “The decision is whether to go with the moon color [neon green], Jupiter [orange], or Neptune [blue]?” Glow in the Dark Nail Polish costs $6 a bottle at Americanapparel.net.

“Go Jupiter, baby,” answered Patrick.

“Your fingertips can glow also, honey, in red, blue, or green with Multicolor LED Gloves,” I added ($4.95 on Amazon).

“Or you can go creepy with LED Skeleton Gloves; veins of lights down the fingers,” I said (Multicolor Spooky Rave Show Stunners, $8.99 on Amazon). “The light illuminates from the wrist out to the fingertips in rainbow colors....

For your dancing feet, I found LED light-up shoelaces,” I smiled. “The battery in them lasts for 70 hours (Multicolor LED Light Up Waterproof Shoelaces, $6.99 a pair at brainydeal.us). “Think you’ll boogie longer than 70 hours?” I asked.

“Wouldn’t be the first time, baby.”

With that, my sexy-ridiculous husband jumped up and started to boogie in front of me.

“You’ve still got it, Honey.” I said. “While you boogie in your glowing shoe laces, I’ll have these zebra-stripe socks that will glow under the black light [Zebra Blanc Over the Knee Sock, $18 at rocknsocks.com].

“And I think I just found you a selection of glowing ties. My favorite is the black-and-green Hello2 Necktie, with the word ‘Hello!’ glowing here and there all over the tie [$35.95 at zazzle.com]. Another option is a white tie with lines of green skeletons dancing [$33.95 at zazzle.com].”

I was starting to get into this black-light thing. And the options just kept coming. “We could just wrap you in LED lighting wire,” I suggested. “You can twist and twirl and light up the dance floor in a light spectacular [Club Toy of the Year! Galactic LED Light Storm Wire, $9.99 on Amazon].”

“Party tornado, baby!” yelled Patrick.

“Or you can wrap yourself in glow-in-the-dark toilet paper — a glowing mummy,” I said ($9.99 at gadgetsandgear.com). “And maybe I will don a Glow in the Dark Leopard Print Belly Ring [$7.99 at bodycandy.com].”

“Meeeooowww,” purred Patrick.

“Make sure to pick up some black-light bubbles,” he added. “I’m going to surround you in glowing, bubbly magic [Tekno Black Light Bubbles, $3.99 for a 1 oz. bottle of blue or gold at thinkgeek.com].”