In landmark deal, bankrupt Detroit agrees to pipe water to thirsty San Diego

Interim Mayor Gloria: "Detroit has not one, but two major freshwater lakes in its backyard. And thanks to our city's efforts at pension reform, San Diego has a budget surplus. Really, it just made sense for both cities. Now they can keep that art collection of theirs!"

As of press time, Detroit citizens were being urged to collect their tears. "As of right now," said Gloria, "that's probably their most reliable water source."