Skullcrusher and Vaporizer

Chad teaches at SDSU and lives in the Clairemont area. He threw a party for his 30th birthday about a month ago. I brought a few women with me. We stopped and bought some booze and a cake.

Chad’s backyard was perfect for a party — it’s huge and has a beautiful canyon view. When DJ Skullcrusher started spinning, I heard one of the guests say that canyons are the worst for music. “The sound travels directly to those houses on the other side,” he explained.

I saw Chad, who was carrying a huge mug filled with beer. I asked him about the potential noise problem. He told me that his neighbors were informed about the party and that he had invited them. He wasn’t sure if the people on the other side of the canyon would complain.

A video screen was set up that showed interesting colors and abstract images moving in sync with the music. I heard a song I liked and asked the DJ if it was the Ting Tings. He said he wasn’t sure but would tell me later, after he checked his computer.

There was a huge Moonbounce that everyone was jumping in and sliding down. I asked if there was a weight limit, and I heard someone 30 feet behind me say, “It’s 105.” I replied, “Well, that thing is going to pop, then. Everyone in there is over 105 pounds.”

Someone nearby pointed out that there was a full moon over the Moonbounce. I said, “The odds of that happening are about 1 in 83.” A drunk woman said, “Really? How can you figure that out so fast? Are you, like, one of those math wizards?”

I saw Chad again, and the beer in his mug was almost gone. I asked him how he could drink that much, and he said, “This is already my third.” I guessed the mug held at least two pints. I asked if he felt different being 30, and he said, “Well…I dress like a grown-up now.”

A pretty blonde woman walked by, and I asked if I could get a picture of them together. She wasn’t sure who Chad was, but she smiled for the photo.

A few minutes later, when I talked to someone else, I heard her say that she should at least kiss Chad because he was the birthday boy. Soon afterward, I saw them head off into another room.

I grabbed some wine in the kitchen, and a woman named Christina was talking about some Australian wine she’d brought. I told her I’d try it after I finished the glass I had.

In another room, a Jenga game was going on. I went over to watch for a few minutes. Someone asked for a piece of gum, and I said, “Is that what you use to make the pieces stick together?” They looked at me as if I was nuts.

There was a cute Asian woman in the kitchen talking to two guys. Her voice was completely gone, and I heard her say, “I can’t talk really well. Can I just text you the answer to that?”

She and this guy stood five feet from each other, having a texting conversation.

Twenty minutes later, I saw Chad again. He had more beer in his mug, and I asked, “Did you get lucky?” He said, “I owe you for helping me out. But we just talked for a little bit. And we made out. It was nice. But if it helps make the article more exciting, you can say we did something.”

I asked about his teaching job at State. He was an instructor for a class on surfing that dealt with the history as well as social aspects. The first class had 91 students.

A couple of guys were boxing with the Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots. I said to them, “You guys should combine this with the Jenga game.” One replied, “We tried. The Jenga crowd just got pissed.”

A woman watching them play kept saying in a deep voice, “Let’s get ready to rumble!”

As I walked into the kitchen to grab a piece of cake, I heard a few people talking Jenga strategy. As I walked to the backyard, I heard the Jenga blocks collapse.

When I got onto the back deck, I saw the Moonbounce had deflated and was being pumped up again.

It was a lot more popular than the hot tub, which didn’t have a single person in it.

A lot of people were dancing on the back deck, and the party had kicked up a notch.

One guy pulled a flask off his belt. I told him I don’t see many flasks these days. He said, “It comes in handy. I smuggled tequila into the symphony recently. It made intermission fun.”

The Moonbounce was up and going within five minutes. Because of the laughter and yelling coming from inside it — and the music and dancing — the cops showed up. At first, everyone was ushered into the house, and they tried to keep things quiet. Within 15 minutes, many people were back out in the yard.

The DJ had the music going in one of the rooms, which was tiny and packed with about 40 people dancing. The only light was the occasional strobe.

One woman was all over two guys. Someone leaned into me and said, “I think she’s on E.”

After 1:00 a.m. I checked out things again in the backyard. The Moonbounce was tilted to one side. A few people who were still in it looked like a sweaty mess.

In another corner, a few guys were smoking pot. They had it in a tube that didn’t burn. I had never heard of such a device, and they were trying to explain it to me. As one of them did, another said, “Come on, dude. Vaporize me.”

The device looked like a long tube, but I couldn’t see any smoke coming from it.

As I walked back into the house, I heard one of the guys say, “I was frank with Frank. I had to be.” Another person laughed for five minutes after hearing that line.

Inside the house, I heard Chad talking about being in India for three weeks for a wedding.

Another guy talked about how he has 15-15 vision. Someone asked what that meant, and he explained, “Perfect vision is 20-20. With my vision, it looks like something is 15 feet away when it’s 20 feet away.”

As I was getting ready to leave, I saw the DJ leaving. I said, “Hey…did you ever find out the name of the song?” He replied, “No. But I’ll find it tomorrow and email you what it was.”

I wondered how he’d do that because we never exchanged info.